


Uncover Me

by Maugurt



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Job, Isak is very much in denial, M/M, Masturbation, and Even is so patient, but he is in fact very gay, he says he's not gay, hookup AU, mention of accidental voyeurism, very brief Jonas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:23:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maugurt/pseuds/Maugurt
Summary: Now, Isak’s had his fair share of moments that could possibly be considered kind of gay, but those moments could always be regarded as curiosity or something else not homosexual. But straight up making out with some guy at a party couldn’t. There was just no way he could no homo out of that one. It was very homo.Or the one where Isak and Even make out a party and Isak is having a gay crisis the day after.





	Uncover Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nofeartina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofeartina/gifts).



> This little piece of fiction is a Christmas gift to my very lovely friend nofeartina, who not only is one of the best persons in the world, she's also a huge inspiration to me and has helped me though the process of writing this. She's listened to me whine and she's held my hand and guided me like the amazing person that she is. I love you so much, Tina. Thank you for everything.
> 
> And a big, BIG thank you to champagneleftie who fixed all the errors and who's a wonderful, wonderful beta. This fic wouldn't be half as good without her help. She's also one of the kindest persons I've ever had the pleasure of befriending. You're amazing, P. Thank you.
> 
> You guys are the best and you deserve the world <3
> 
> And a little side note, Isak is 17 in this fic so it's technically underage according to the guidelines on this site, but the age of consent is 16 in Norway so I didn't tag it as underage.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! All the love. xx

It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining in through the window, the birds are chirping away and Linn and Eskild are away for the whole weekend, which means that Isak has the whole apartment to himself. He should be happy and relaxed.

He isn’t.

His head is spinning, or more like, his whole world is spinning and it’s not due to his raging hangover. Well, partly, but that’s not what makes his eyes widen and heart speed up.

So… yesterday happened. It hadn’t been a dream, right?

The thing is, Isak can’t be entirely sure. It wouldn’t be the first time his brain has conspired against him, making him have thoughts that aren’t welcome.

This time, however, he remembers what happened so vividly. The memory on loop in his mind isn’t vague and there’s actually a face connected to the guy in front of him. Usually, it’s a faceless ghost of a man who doesn’t really speak, but now… Now, Isak can see plump lips and blue eyes. He can see blond hair, styled in a way that really shouldn’t be attractive when all it makes Isak think of is Grease. But somehow, it just works. And that voice.

Isak swallows thickly.

Now, Isak’s had his fair share of moments that could possibly be considered kind of gay, but those moments could always be regarded as curiosity or something else _not_ homosexual. Like that time he accidentally watched gay porn.

The thing is, the thumbnail had given the illusion that a voluptuous woman would grace the screen and she kind of had, but she had been the oblivious girlfriend of a guy who secretly slept with the girl’s brother.

By the time they started fucking, Isak was already too impatient and he didn’t want to spend another minute looking for a new video.

So what if he’d jerked off to gay porn? The guy taking it up the ass was kind of feminine and there were mostly just shots of him getting plowed – no dick shots, or whatever. Or, well, there were, but just a few, and Isak hadn’t really paid attention to the guy’s dick anyway. He’d come when the buff guy pulled out and painted the other guy’s hole. Everyone has assholes so it’s not like it’s a big deal. He’s not gay just because he enjoyed seeing someone’s swollen rim get covered in cum.

There was also that time he’d caught Eva giving Jonas a blowjob. He’d been too stunned to actually move, so he’d just stood there outside the door, staring in through the small gap, squeezing the handle so hard that his hand had almost gone numb. Isak could understand how that could be seen as a bit gay maybe, but, like, Eva is hot, and watching her blow Jonas was hot. The fact that he’d only seen her back made little difference. He knows what her face looks like, so it wasn’t like he couldn’t conjure up a picture in his head. And while he had mostly stared at Jonas’ face (because where else would he look?), it hadn’t been because he found him attractive. Objectively speaking, he is, Isak knows that much, but it’s in a strictly _you look good, bro_ kind of way.

It had been fascinating watching Jonas come, though. He’d had this little crease between his eyebrows, lips slightly parted, and then he’d thrown his head back, as if it  had been literally impossible not to. It’d looked like he was really enjoying himself and Isak had almost let out a whimper, getting a bit carried away from watching the scene unfold before him.

As soon as Jonas had helped Eva up from the floor, Isak had turned around and hurried to the bathroom, suddenly very aware of the _situation_ in his pants.

Those times could be shrugged off as coincidental.

But straight up making out with some guy at a party couldn’t. There was just no way he could _no homo_ out of that one. It was very homo. The guy hadn’t even looked like a girl. He was all angles and broad shoulders, tall and lanky, deep voiced and unmistakably male.

Isak had moaned into the stranger’s mouth when his ass got grabbed.

Okay, but he had been _really drunk_ last night. Like, completely shitfaced. And even if he’d kind of enjoyed a mouth against his own, and a pair of large hands on his ass, it didn’t mean anything. Right?

Eva had kissed plenty girls when she was drunk and she still only dated boys so why couldn’t Isak do the same? Or… the opposite… Who said that it was okay for girls to kiss people of the same sex when drunk, but not for boys? Gender norms. It all boiled down to gender norms.

But it hadn’t really been the same as if he had kissed a girl, though.

See, Isak is a bit of a player. He’s kissed a lot of girls, fingered many of them, but he never really got that excited with them. Okay, he’s gotten blow jobs and they’ve felt nice enough, but like… just having that guy’s hands on his ass had made him _feel_ things he hasn’t felt before. Just that small gesture had turned him on more than some girl’s lips around his dick.

Warning bells start going off in his head, red lights flashing to alert him of dangerous thoughts.

Shit. Those thoughts are totally not straight.

But he’s gotten boners with girls. He’s actually come from girls’ hands and mouths, so he can’t be entirely homo, right? Fuck. The one time he actually needs some real advice from Eskild, he is away for the weekend.

What he needs is confirmation. Maybe he was just turned on because he was drunk? It happens. So, logically speaking, he needs to find out if this guy has the same effect on him when he’s sober. Maybe he isn’t gay at all. Maybe he just happened to make out with a guy while he was horny.

All he has to do now is figure out who this guy is and how he’s supposed to get in touch with him. He’s never seen him before, so they’re not in the same circle of friends. At least not to his knowledge.

For the first time ever, Isak hates that Jonas’ parties tend to amass people from all over Oslo. It just makes it that much harder for him and Isak can’t deal with hard things right now.

He sits up, cursing under his breath as the movement makes his head feel like he’s being stabbed by a dagger or some shit. For a few seconds, he’s a bit lost, not remembering why he even sat up in the first place, but then he looks around and spots his phone on the nightstand. He reaches for it, heart racing in his chest now that his brain catches up with his intentions. He unlocks it and immediately texts Jonas, asking if he remembers a tall, blond guy.

It takes all of five minutes before Isak shoots away another text, just asking if Jonas is up, anxious over the lack of an answer. When that text doesn’t get a response either, he types out one single word: _Dude_. Still no reply. He is just about to send three question marks when the little dots start moving. It’s just a few seconds before he gets the message.

“ _Its 6am. Y the fuck r u even up?_ ”

Isak groans, not having the patience for Jonas’ morning mood. The thing is, he’s usually the grumpy one, cursing at anyone who disturbs his sleep, but for some unknown reason, the universe has decided to add more shit to Isak’s ever-growing pile of _fuck you in particular_ by making it impossible for him to sleep in when he’s hungover. Whenever he parties, his body wakes him up at ungodly hours the day after. Jonas knows this, has been forced awake by Isak’s whining many times, but of course he chooses this day to be a little shit about it.

Isak rolls his eyes, hoping that it translates when he writes “ _Fuck you. Just answer the damn question_.”

A few minutes pass before the dots move again, and Jonas is an infuriatingly slow writer this morning.

“ _Very specific. Idk._ ”

Isak wants to choke him. He would if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re in separate buildings. Why hadn’t he crashed at Jonas’ place? Instead of thinking more about that, he types out a new message.

“ _Blond, tall, lanky, blue eyes, he had a grey flannel over a white t-shirt._ ” _And_ _big lips, big hands, big dic-_

Isak inhales sharply. His brain has neglected to inform him that maybe there was something other than just ass grabbing that had turned him on. Now more memories flood his consciousness, making him remember the delicious friction of the stranger’s dick against his. Sure, they had been fully clothed while grinding against each other, Isak with his back pressed against a wall, but holy fuck, had it felt good.

The thought sends shivers down his spine and he doesn’t need to put his hand on his dick to know that he’s chubbing up.

He’s entirely sober (obviously not as he’s hungover as hell, but _semantics_ ) and the thought of grinding against a guy has him sporting a semi. Although, it could just be his body reacting to the memory of how good it felt. He could just as well have grinded against a girl. The fact that it happened to be a guy doesn’t really matter. There had been friction against his dick so it wasn’t weird that he got aroused. Friction is friction. Like, he has rutted against his mattress before, that doesn’t mean he’s attracted to beds.

Isak blinks a few times, refocusing on the phone. Jonas has answered.

“ _Oh yeah. Why?_ ”

He almost throws the phone across the room in frustration. This mood is doing nothing to his poor head. He just wants to know who the hell he hooked up with, not play 20 questions.

“ _I just wanted to play Guess who. Why the fuck do you think??_ ”

The little dots start moving almost right away and Isak thanks whatever Gods there may be. Except he celebrates too early.

“ _Fuck if I know. But yeah, I know him. Why are you wondering?_ ”

Isak can’t help but frown. How does Jonas not get what he wants? They’ve been friends forever so one would think that they wouldn’t need an interpreter.

He clicks away on his phone, finding that _you dense motherfucker_ meme and sends it.

“ _His_ _name_ , _Einstein_. _What’s his name?_ ” he sends right after, waiting impatiently for the answer.

Jonas knows this guy. He knows him and Isak is about to find out his name and when he does… How will he even go about it? What is he supposed to say? What is it that he even wants? His heart starts beating faster in his chest again and wow, his body must be so confused over how quickly his heart rate changes. If he doesn’t chill a bit soon, he’ll end up in the E.R due to cardiac arrest.

He focuses on the conversation with Jonas again, letting out a shaky exhale when he sees that there’s an answer.

“ _Even. You gonna buy some from him?_ ”

Isak blinks a few times. So he’s a dealer? That is actually a great piece of information. It definitely makes for a natural reason to contact him. He’d had no idea that the guy, Even, even sold drugs, but for once in his life, the stars are aligning, making it easier for him to actually meet up with his hookup.

“ _Yeah. You have his number?_ ” he types out fast and he doesn’t need to wait long before Even’s number is there for him to save.

Fuck. Okay. Shit just got real.

Isak stands up, for some reason feeling like pacing in his room is going to make him calm down. It doesn’t. All it does is make his head start to pound again and his hands are a bit clammy already, before he’s even begun to type out a message. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this was a really fucking bad idea.

He stops dead in his tracks, clenching his jaw as he types out “ _Yo, dude_ ”, deleting it just as quickly as he wrote it. What the fuck? He never writes like that, it’s just not him, so why did he do it just now? It must be Jonas influencing him. Or, more like, Mahdi influencing Jonas, influencing him. Mahdi makes it seem so effortless, typing like some wannabe gangster at times, but whenever Isak tries, it just comes off as… stiff, like he’s a parent trying to be “hip”.

His thumbs hover over the letters, twitching from time to time as he comes up with something to write, only to change his mind mid movement.

“ _Hi Even. We met yesterday at Jonas’ party. I don’t think you know me, but I’m the blond guy with the illuminati t-shirt._ ”

He stares at the text, preventing himself from writing “ _The guy whose tongue you had down your throat_ ”. Yeah, no. He’s not going to write that. So how is he supposed to continue? What can he write without coming off as creepy or desperate? He’s just about to continue when his thumb twitches, sending the unfinished text. _Oh no. Oh shit. Oh fuck._ He hadn’t read through the text, hadn’t prepared mentally for sending it. See, there’s a process behind texting. A very careful and thoroughly planned process of typing and re-typing, freaking out, and eventually sending it anyway. Now there’s just freaking out. The other steps has been rudely taken away from him and that’s just… that’s not at all something Isak feels comfortable with.

“ _Isak, right?_ ”

If Isak’s body had a hard time coping with his heart beating irregularly, it’s fucking imploding from not beating at all. Not that that’s weird or anything, seeing as flatlining equals death. It’s just… Even knows his name and that’s kind of a big deal and he’s kind of dying a bit and yeah… His heart is definitely out of order. The way he’s clenching his jaw is surely about to give him an aneurysm as well. So, with his body working against him, he types another message.

“ _Yeah. Hi._ ” The words are sent before he can even think about it and he regrets them immediately. What kind of lame answer is that? He just wanted to reply quickly and now Even must think he’s a loser or something, so he might as well just dig a hole and live in it from now on.

“ _Right, okay. What’s up?_ ” Isak can feel the judgement oozing through the screen, the words chafing against his nerves. He fucked up. He fucked up royally. Okay. Game plan. What can he do to save this situation?

“ _So I heard you sell weed?_ ”

That is not how. Did he really just send that? Isak can see the little dots moving and stopping, moving and stopping. It happens three times before they stop altogether and yeah, that hole in the ground sounds perfect right about now.

“ _I mean, I won’t tell anyone. I just wanted to meet up or something._ ” For the second time that morning, Isak wants to throw his phone across the room, this time so he won’t embarrass himself further.

Whatever. It’s not like he can make it worse. He types out another message and decides that it’s going to be his last try.

“ _I don't want weed. Forget I even mentioned it. It's just… I don’t remember much from last night, just fragments, and I think that maybe we got along? We should meet up._ ”

Isak locks his phone and puts it on the bed, breathing heavily. He decides that in order for him to calm the fuck down, he needs to distract himself with… something. Anything.

He leaves his room with a towel in hand, feeling like a shower and breakfast is a decent start.

=||=

The painkiller he took before showering has actually worked wonders and Isak is currently only feeling a bit hazy. The headache is still looming, but it’s held at bay, probably scheming and planning its return. That’s a later problem, though. There are more urgent matters at hand, like the phone on his bed with its light blinking, indicating that he has an unread message.

Isak stands beside his bed, staring at the device like it’s contaminated, like he’d get chlamydia if he were to touch it. A small part of him wants the message to be from Jonas, wants Even to ignore him so he can go on his merry way to move on from the… unfortunate event that occurred yesterday. There’s no denying that the larger percentage of his mind wants to meet Even again, though.

He picks the phone up and unlocks it, holding his breath as he opens the message app. It’s from Even. Without dragging it out, he clicks into the conversation and reads the message.

“ _Alright, yeah. You want to come to my place_?”

He almost drops the phone, hands shaking suddenly. It’s a bit weird that he’s reacting like this. Like, he’s meeting up with this guy he doesn’t know and it shouldn’t affect him. He’s met plenty of guys before and none of them has had him _literally_ shaking. Okay, he hooked up with this guy, but Even might not even remember doing it. It was probably a one time thing and that’s okay. He’s not going to confess his undying love for this guy just because they’ve shared saliva.

The time stamp tells him that the text was sent almost an hour ago. Even had replied almost immediately.

Alright, he can do this, he can be cool. Or play it cool. Or… something. Internally, he’s screaming, but no one will ever know that.

“ _Cool, sure. Send me the address_.”

Fuck, the word “cool” is apparently stuck in his head now. Hopefully, it would help him if he played it like a mantra. _Keep it cool, Valtersen_. He hits send before he can change his mind, receiving an answer almost right away. He gets the address, but is disappointed to learn that Even will be out for the day. Okay, he isn't _disappointed_. Just… maybe… a little bummed out? Even seems like a great guy based on… well, he can't really base it on anything, but he's probably a great guy and Isak just wants to get to know him. That's all.

Another message pops up, telling him that Even will be home at around seven tonight, and that Isak is welcome then and oh holy fuck, okay. Right. He puts the phone back on the bed, basically running to his closet to find something decent to wear. It isn’t like he wants to dress up for Even, but showing up to someone’s place for the first time in smelly clothes isn’t something he wants to do. And if he happens to pick out a slightly nicer outfit than he normally wears, it’s purely coincidental.

Isak usually wears hoodies, but now he has a blue plaid shirt and a white tee thrown onto his bed along with a pair of dark jeans that hugs his legs all the way down to his ankles. It’s not like he picked out a tux, so it should be fine.

=||=

It’s not fine. He’s so overdressed it’s actually ridiculous. Even is standing in the doorway in in a grey hoodie and a pair of sweats of all things, seemingly frozen to the spot as he doesn’t move to let Isak in. It’s a bit awkward that he’s literally being gawked at. Maybe he should have just skipped the shirt. He’s spent the whole day going back and forth in his head whether it was a good outfit or not. It’s definitely not a good outfit.

There’s this tension between them that’s so thick it's making goosebumps rise on his skin. Isak can feel his fingers twitch, like he wants to just… _touch_.

Even clears his throat suddenly, stepping aside and gestures with his hand to invite Isak in. At this moment, he’s glad he’s not a vampire because he’s pretty sure Even has momentarily lost his ability to speak. He would have been out in the stairwell all day if that were the case.

Isak mentally slaps himself, wonders how the fuck he even came to think about vampires when Even is literally waiting for him to enter his apartment.

He walks past Even, kicks his shoes off, and hears the door close behind him, doesn’t dare to look back for some reason. It just feels like it would be too much to look into those intense blue eyes, like his knees would go weak. He already feels shaky from just being in this guy’s presence, turning around would probably fuck up his pulse again.

The thing is, Isak hadn’t expected to feel like this. Just seeing Even in the doorway made his mouth go dry and there are winged creatures in his stomach that are going crazy. His _no_ _homo_ theory is really starting to be disproven once and for all. But it’s just… How can he be sure?

When he does turn around, Even surges forward and before Isak can even react, there are two hands on his cheeks and a pair of plump lips against his. It takes him a few seconds to pull back and when he does, he’s met by Even’s confused face. Isak is equally confused, but probably more shocked. Does he… does he give off some kind of gay vibe?

Even must sense his rapidly rising panic as he steps back completely, both hands falling to his sides. Isak kind of wants them back on him, but that thought only makes him more confused. Yeah, there’s nothing straight about wanting another guy to touch you. Not when you’re entirely sober. Isak doesn’t even feel the remnants of his hangover from this morning so there’s literally no alcohol in his body. At least there shouldn’t be as he took his last drink around 11pm last night and that’s about 20 hours ago.

But maybe him wanting Even’s hands on him again is just curiosity. It has to be.

“What was that?” Isak breathes out, a nervous laughter lacing the words, breaking the awkward silence that has settled between them. Even looks even more confused now, eyebrows knitted together and lips slightly parted.

“I thought that’s why you came here?” And he sounds so lost, like he’d genuinely expected Isak to kiss back.

“No!” he exclaims too quickly before adding, “I mean, I don’t know.” Even doesn’t seem to like the answer, eyebrows shooting up questioningly instead, just the hint of a crease still between them.

“You don’t know why you’re here?” he asks incredulously, almost sounding a bit hurt. Isak can feel his chest tighten uncomfortably, throat closing up a bit. He doesn’t like being the cause of that tone.

“No?” Isak says sheepishly. It isn’t entirely true. Well, if he’s being completely honest with himself, it’s entirely untrue. It’s becoming increasingly obvious that he’s actually very aware of why he’s there.

“I guess I kinda know, but like, I wasn’t expecting you to, you know, do that.” Isak shrugs, feeling like he’s being the most annoying person in the world. And Even looks like he agrees.

“Why are you here, Isak?” he asks resigned, like he suddenly just wants Isak out of his apartment. Fuck. That’s not what Isak wants, though.

“I think I want to do that,” he blurts out, like he’s going to get thrown out if he doesn’t explain himself fast enough. “Like, _that_. The thing you just did.”

His cheeks heat up the instant the words are out and he doesn’t miss the way Even’s eyes flicker down to his lips. He already knows that Even wants to kiss him, it was made pretty clear just moments ago, and the thought makes his body tingle.

“I don’t even… I’m not gay or anything.” Isak furrows his eyebrows at his own words, almost feeling offended by them. It’s like they just escaped from his mouth without his brain having any say in it whatsoever.

“Or- I don’t know. I… might be a little gay,” he corrects himself.

Even takes a step towards him, just a small, tentative one, but Isak instantly feels his body tensing. He swallows thickly, not being able to tear his eyes away from Even’s. There’s something there, something curious and maybe, if he’s not reading into it too much, something cautious as well.

Isak wets his lip and watches as Even mirrors the movement, completely hypnotized by the look of that pink tongue dancing across those soft lips. He swallows again, feeling very dehydrated suddenly.

“So, uh...” Isak starts, but the words die on his tongue as Even takes another step forward. He kind of looks like a predator, like he wants to eat Isak up, and he doesn’t speak, only has his intense gaze fixed on Isak’s face. The air in the hallway feels thin, like all the oxygen has been drained from it, and Even closing in on him doesn’t help one bit.

Isak takes a step backwards, being forced to a halt as his back hits a wall. Who even designed this apartment? Wouldn’t it be more logical to have a spacious hallway instead of being met by a wall as soon as you step inside?

He blinks a few times, ignoring the floor plan to refocus on what is actually going on. Even has moved again and he’s so close that Isak can feel his breath on his skin. He’s flush against the hard surface with no way of escaping and it feels… exciting, like the thought of Even pinning him against the wall is everything he’s ever dreamed of.

“What is it that you want, Isak?”

Even’s voice is so deep and his name sounds so perfect coming from that mouth. He knows what the question means, knows that it’s not as profound to Even as it is to him. Isak’s spontaneous thought is to just give in and not think about what it would mean to do so, but he can’t help the slight hesitation. Giving in would mean coming to terms with the one thing that has kept him awake many nights. He isn’t homophobic, but he just never wanted this for himself.

Isak takes a deep, shivering breath, scanning Even’s eyes, trying to look for answers. He seems so collected, so sure of himself, and Isak desperately wants to feel the same confidence. He’s just not entirely sure of anything, really. He doesn’t know what this curiosity means, this need to touch Even and have Even touch him. Isak has been with girls. He can’t be gay if he’s been with girls, right? It just doesn’t make sense to him.

But he has been curious before, is the thing. He hasn’t _really_ admitted it to himself, but it’s always been there. It’s always been in the back of his mind, this need to explore. Maybe he should act on it.

If not now, when?

“You,” he whispers, finally answering the question, and that’s all it takes for Even to crash his lips against his, hands on his hips. It’s hot and it’s desperate and Isak’s body is acting on its own accord. His hands are tangled in Even’s hair and he’s trying to pull him in even closer, even if their bodies are as close as they can get with clothes still on. Isak is suddenly acutely aware of how restraining every garment is. He wants them off.

The thought makes him break the kiss, giving out a low moan as Even attaches his mouth to his neck instead.

He lets his head fall back against the wall, eyes tracing the irregular dents in the ceiling as he really thinks this through. Is he ready for this? His body tells him that he is, but just thinking about removing his clothes is scary.

Even stops his ministrations and focuses on Isak’s face again, putting one hand on his neck to get him to meet his gaze. And he looks concerned. Pupils blown, sure, but there’s so much worry in his eyes that Isak almost feels bad.

“Do you want to stop?” he asks and it looks like he’s ready to do whatever it is that Isak wants. He just looks so genuine. This guy who he met for the first time yesterday is willing to give himself blue balls just to make sure that Isak is okay. It shouldn’t make his dick twitch, but it does.

“No, I-“ Isak interrupts himself, not sure what to say, and swallows. “Please. Just touch me.”

Even lets out a shivering breath, as if those words sparked something inside him. Suddenly, Isak is pulled from the wall and Even is leading him from the hallway, hand firmly holding onto Isak’s.

The apartment is small, only one bedroom by the looks of it, so it takes no time before Isak finds himself lying on Even’s large bed with Even on top of him, kissing him dirtily. It’s all tongue and soft moans while they’re grinding against each other and Isak is absolutely loving it. There’s no denying that Even is most definitely a male, but it really doesn’t matter. It feels _too good_ to be bothered by it so Isak just goes with it.

They’re both still fully clothed and Isak feels both a bit relieved and frustrated. On one hand, he’s not exposed, which is nice, but on the other hand, he doesn’t really feel like just rutting against Even. It's just… it’s not enough. He wants to feel skin against his, _needs_ it.

When he breaks the kiss, Even lets out this little sound of protest, but looks like he’s about to get off of Isak, like he’ll stop even if he clearly doesn’t want to, and that’s not at all what Isak wants.

“We need these off,” he breathes out, pulling at Even’s hoodie. Even immediately scrambles up into a sitting position, long limbs so uncoordinated as he pulls said garment off. Isak sits up as well, a bit more gracefully, and pulls his shirt off. He tosses it aside then pulls his t-shirt over his head, stopping in his tracks before it can join the shirt on the floor. Even is sitting in front of him, bare chested, and Isak doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He’s clutching the white tee in his hand, just staring. There are no boobs on the chest and the hips are narrow. Even is so far from feminine and yet, Isak is completely floored. He’s more attracted to him than he remembers ever being to anyone. Sure, the girls he’d hooked up with were beautiful, but he can’t really recall ever getting this aroused from just seeing them topless.

He tosses the t-shirt aside and reaches out to trace the harsh lines of Even’s body, his collarbones, his chest, his abs, and he can feel the slight shiver under his fingertips. Isak wets his lips and looks up, seeing Even’s eyes roaming his body as well, and if they were hungry before, they’re starving now.

Even is surprisingly gentle when he pushes Isak down onto the bed again. They’d been almost frantic before and he can tell that Even is holding back a bit, that he’s refraining from rushing. It almost seems like he’s afraid that Isak will get cold feet if he doesn’t slow down. And he can’t blame him.

The thing is, it’s very scary. He doesn’t know what’s expected of him and he doesn’t know how things will play out. He’s very curious, though, and he doesn’t want to stop. He wants to know if he’ll enjoy being with a guy because he’s sick of wondering.

When Even doesn’t lie down with him, when he just sits there and stares, Isak starts feeling a bit antsy. He reaches out again and touches Even’s knee, seemingly jolting him to life again. Even swallows before speaking.

“I don’t want you to force yourself into doing something you’re not comfortable with,” he says, looking so very serious suddenly, like he’s been thinking those exact words for a long time.

“I’m not, though,” Isak replies softly. It almost feels like Even is the one being uncomfortable. He strokes Even’s knee in a way he hopes is reassuring.

“Don’t hesitate to tell me if it gets too much,” Even says and it’s so endearing. He cares so much even if they don’t know each other.

“Even, I want this.” Isak hopes that he sounds as sure as he feels. If there ever was a time for a gay experience, it’s now. With Even. This caring guy who just wants what’s best for him.

“I want _you_ ,” Isak adds, voice a bit lower, and there must be something in the way he says it because Even is nodding, seemingly deciding that that’s good enough, that Isak does indeed give his full consent.

“Can I…” Even trails off, but he’s gesturing towards Isak’s legs and Isak assumes that he wants to remove his jeans. He nods and Even immediately gets to work. It’s quite a process as Isak chose this day to wear skinny jeans, something he normally doesn’t wear, but eventually, they’re pulled off, socks coming off with them, and joins the rest of the clothes on the floor. It doesn’t take long for Even to shimmy out of his own pants and _wow_ , okay, Even had really expected to get laid. He’s not wearing any underwear. Isak can’t help the blush spreading on his cheeks and probably down to his chest, maybe even down to his toes.

Even is blushing as well when he lays down beside him, leaning on his elbow. He kisses Isak softly and it’s such a contrast to Even’s hard dick against his thigh. Isak turns a bit, meeting Even’s hand as it’s placed on his chest. It’s such a tentative touch, but Isak still lets out a soft moan, is surprised when his dick twitches in the confinement of his boxer briefs. It seems to spur Even on, makes him move his hand.

Isak shivers a little when Even’s thumb rubs his nipple. It isn’t pleasant, but it isn’t _unpleasant_ either. It’s just… strange. No one has ever touched his nipples before, including himself, but it seems like there’s some kind of nerve there that leads directly to his dick, making him breathe a little heavier. It’s like a ticklish feeling and he can’t help but clench his muscles as Even keeps rubbing.

“Even, please,” Isak mumbles against his mouth, already panting. Even pulls back a bit, watching him intently as the hand trails downward. It’s torturously slow and he almost lets out a whine when the movement stops once the hand reaches the waistband.

“ _Fuck_ , Even, please. Please, just touch me,” he pleads, grabbing Even’s wrist to try and force his hand down the last few centimeters. It won’t budge. And Even looks so damn pleased with himself, so smug, like he loves that he’s gotten Isak so desperate already. Normally, it would be a blow to his ego to beg, but he really doesn’t want to wait, _can’t_ wait. He needs some friction.

“I need your hand on my dick, Even,” he says, but leaves out the _I’ll fucking castrate you if you don’t touch me soon_. Even seems to take pity on him. His hand starts moving again, slower than before, though, but eventually, it’s right where Isak needs it to be. He lets out a groan as Even palms him, raising his hips off of the mattress to rub against the warm hand, closing his eyes at the fucking amazing feeling. Isak feels Even’s hot breath against his ear, can hear how unsteady his breathing is and Isak hasn’t even touched him.

“I really want to taste you, Isak,” Even whispers and Isak almost comes right there and then. He lets out a moan at that, breathing out a _please_ and hopes that Even takes it for what it is.

Even starts kissing his neck, but they’re impatient kisses and it doesn’t take long for him to make a trail down his body. Isak whines a bit when Even removes his hand from his dick and the sound seems to amuse Even. He can feel the smile against his skin with each kiss and for some reason, it’s really fucking frustrating. He wants to say something, get that smile off of Even’s lips, but before he can figure out what to say, there’s a mouth on his dick. Even’s mouth. And it isn’t until now that Isak realizes that his eyes are still very much closed.

They shoot open quickly as he lifts his head from the pillow to look down. Even looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself, like sucking on a clothed dick is his absolute favorite pastime. Isak’s breath hitches at the sight and at the feeling.

He’s had blowjobs before, but Even takes the cake. His mouth just feels damn good and he’s not even doing anything all that special yet. There’s just light sucking and it seems like Even’s purposely avoiding the tip of Isak’s dick that’s peeking out from the elastic band of his briefs. It’s all very good, but it’s not enough.

Isak heaves himself up so he’s leaning on his elbows, resting his neck a bit. He grabs onto Even’s blond hair, the gesture making Even look up with a smirk. While he could just stare at that damn mouth all day, those lips would look better around him.

And it’s almost like Even’s a mind reader. He pulls Isak’s briefs all the way down to throw them to the side and sucks the tip into his mouth, moaning as if he’s eating a five star restaurant’s finest meal, eyes fluttering shut. Isak moans with Even, only louder, gripping the blond locks tighter. He’s shaking a bit, completely overwhelmed already. It’s like he’s a blushing virgin and that really doesn’t sit well with him. But it’s not like he can just _not_ react to Even’s ministrations.

Isak feels Even’s tongue working over his slit, lapping at the precum leaking out while groaning deeply. The vibrations make Isak inhale shakily and he’s having a hard time keeping his head up. He just doesn’t want to miss anything. It’s just so enticing watching those plump lips stretched over his dick.

And when Even takes more of him into his mouth, throat opening up like it’s made for sucking dick, Isak has to strain every muscle in his body not to collapse onto the bed. He gives out a loud moan and it’s actually a little embarrassing how he has no control over his voice.

Even doesn’t seem to mind, though, only makes this pleased sort of sound that, for some reason, makes Isak want to push him all the way down his dick. He wants Even to choke on it and it’s kind of a scary thought. Isak never saw himself as a dominant kind of guy, but as Even’s mouth is working on his dick like he’s never done anything else in his life, Isak is really fighting his urge to press him down and keep him there.

They haven’t really talked about boundaries, though, so Isak decides against it.

And it’s not like he’s not enjoying himself already. Quite the contrary. Even is working wonders with his tongue and he’s hollowing his cheeks, head bobbing up and down in a pace that really can’t be comfortable for his poor throat, moaning around him like he’s enjoying this just as much as Isak is. And he probably is, is the thing, which just makes it that much hotter.

Little beads of sweat are forming on Isak’s forehead and his body is getting hotter by the second. He feels so unsexy, but the way Even moans around him tells him otherwise. He also feels a little better when he notices how damp Even’s hair is.

Even _really_ sounds like he's enjoying himself.

Isak can’t even imagine how much his neglected dick must hurt, how red and swollen it must be, and suddenly, all he wants is to see it. But whichever way he turns his head, it’s just not visible and Isak can’t help but to feel kind of robbed.

But he forgets all about it when Even takes all of him into his mouth, nose pressed against his pelvis, staying there for a while.

The words that pour from Isak’s lips would make one believe he’s a religious guy, until, of course, the _holy mother of God_ ’s and _sweet Jesus_ ’s gets intermingled with various swear words. He gets creative when he can’t think.

Isak loses all strength in his upper body and falls back onto the bed, biting his knuckle in order to keep somewhat quiet. It doesn’t work that well.

Even pulls off his dick with a wet _pop_ and starts working it with his hand instead, the pumps slow and steady. It’s a fucking miracle that Isak hasn’t come yet. It feels like he’s constantly on the edge, but for some reason, he just won’t tip over.

“Hey, can I try something?” Even asks suddenly, voice so rough, and okay, his dick has _ruined_ Even’s vocal chords and there is something unbelievably hot about that.

Isak doesn’t trust his own voice, only nods as a response and bites his knuckle harder. His other hand is still in Even’s hair and he realizes that he’s literally keeping him inches from his dick even if he isn’t sucking it. Even has a front row view and he’s doing nothing to move away. Isak lets out a low groan and feels a drop of precum run down his dick.

The way Even inhales shakily lets him know that he’s just as affected by this as Isak is.

He doesn’t realize just how much he’s on display until there’s something wet pressing against his hole. It takes him by surprise, making him instinctively try to close his legs, to somehow cover himself up. Even immediately puts a hand on his thigh and strokes it gently, other hand still pumping Isak slowly. Isak stops biting his knuckle and lets the hand drop down on the bed, straining his neck again to look at Even.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Even says. “It’ll feel real good, I promise.” And it’s all the reassurance Isak needs, like he has complete trust in Even, which he somehow has. It's so strange, but the soothing hand on his thigh combined with the words makes him relax, makes him spread his legs for Even again as he drops his head onto the pillow. He closes his eyes and braces himself for the unfamiliar feeling.

And the hand on his thigh disappears.

Isak takes a deep breath when the pressure on his hole is back. He doesn’t pull back, but he can’t help the involuntary clench. Isak knows that it’s a finger, Even’s finger, but it just feels strange. He isn’t used to having fingers there.

Even starts circling his rim, slowly, adding just a little more pressure, and it’s actually starting to feel nice. Different, yes, but nice nonetheless.

And then one of his balls is in Even’s mouth and his dick is getting pumped again. Isak hadn’t even noticed the lack of movement, too busy worrying about how the wet finger felt against his rim, but now that Even is working him with not only his mouth, but both hands as well, Isak can’t help but keen, sound high in his throat.

How Even manages to have full control over all of his movements, Isak doesn’t know, but he’s not complaining. He’s never met an ambidextrous person before and now he gets to experience it in the most delicious way possible.

But it’s really starting to get too much. There’s this tingle in his lower abdomen and his balls are starting to tighten up. His hair is definitely more than a little damp now as well and so is his back. He doesn’t want to come yet. He wants to know what else that finger can do. Because Isak is not stupid. He knows that it will go inside him and he wants it to, wants to know what it’ll feel like. Everything Even has done so far has been amazing and he said that it would feel good. Isak wants to feel good, wants to feel better.

It isn’t really a good feeling when Even pushes his finger inside him, though. It’s so gentle and slow, but it’s really uncomfortable. Isak guesses that it takes some getting used to, but who in their right mind came up with that? Like, who put a finger up their ass and figured that it would feel nice after a while?

The mouth sucking on his ball and the hand around his dick feel real good, however. Too good.

“Fuck, Even. Your mouth,” Isak moans, arching his back a bit. “Your hand.” Even hums, clearly not understanding that it's too much, that Isak will come if he doesn't ease up. Isak clenches the sheets with his free hand.

It's so frustrating. Just moments ago, it was like Even was inside his head, reading his mind, like he understood what Isak wanted without him having to verbalize it. But now… now Even keeps taking him closer to the tipping point and Isak has to pull at his hair _hard_ to get him to stop his movements.

And the moan Even lets out makes Isak clench around the finger inside him.

“I won't- You have to… Christ, just… Just chill.” _Ever so eloquent, aren't you, Valtersen_? Isak takes a few deep breaths and tries to collect himself a bit, feels how his ball slips from Even’s mouth. For what feels like the millionth time, he looks down at Even who's smirking with raised eyebrows.

“I'll come if you-” He interrupts himself, rolling his eyes as Even’s smirk widens. _Smug bastard_. Even seems to get what he means, though, as he lets go of Isak’s dick, crawling up his body. The finger slips out a bit and it's very obvious that the angle won't work at all as only the tip is still inside him.

“Do you wanna come on my fingers?” Even asks, face so close to Isak’s, and it almost sounds like a purr, like a deep purr. A very deep purr. Like Even is a panther or a lion or some other big feline. Isak forces back a moan, just swallows it down and almost chokes on it, cheeks heating up like he's spent the whole day in the sun. Even tilts his head just the slightest and he just looks so amused. Oh, he just _loves_ making Isak blush, doesn't he?

Isak opens his mouth to answer the question, but the words die on his tongue, making him close it again. He wets his lip before nodding. The smirk on Even’s face grows even wider and turns a bit wicked. It doesn't bode well. Like, at all.

“I'm sorry, what?” Even sounds so polite, like Isak just asked for the weather forecast. It's like he doesn't have the tip of his finger in Isak’s ass. Isak narrows his eyes, cheeks heating up more.

“Are you really gonna make me say it?” Even gives out a thoughtful _hmm_ , like he's actually thinking about it, but the still present smirk gives away that he already knows what he’ll say.

“Mhm. Yeah, definitely,” Even answers. Isak bites his lip at that. There's a moment of doubt where he thinks that wanting fingers up your ass most definitely is gay, but he shoves those thoughts away quickly. It is what it is and he wants Even to make him feel good.

“Then fuck me with your fingers,” Isak says with a deep voice, surprising even himself with how sure he sounds. The smirk completely disappears from Even’s lips and instead, he's just gaping slightly, like he didn't expect Isak to actually say it. Isak lets go of Even’s hair and runs his hands over his hips, over his ribs, blunt nails leaving invisible tracks on his skin. Even visibly shivers before he lets out a low and breathy _fuck_ , removing his finger completely. Isak can't help the little whine he lets out.

“I didn't think you’d want…” Even mumbles, trailing off when he reaches for the nightstand. Isak wants to ask what Even means, but completely loses track of… well, everything, really, as Even sits back on his heels with a bottle of lube in his hand.

Isak takes a deep breath and tries to calm his nerves.

Just moments ago, everything was fine, but now that things has slowed down and he has time to think again, his body tenses at the thought of getting fingered. Even’s hands suddenly look freakishly large and his fingers impossibly long. And they're so bony, so thin. Isak can't help but to think of the elder wand and wow, _no_ , Even’s fingers does not look like something from Harry Potter. They look like regular fingers and Isak’s thoughts are just spinning because of his nerves.

Isak looks up and meets Even’s eyes and somehow, that makes him calm down a bit. It's like seeing his nerves mirrored in Even takes the edge off, like some of the pressure disappears from knowing that he isn't with some cocky guy who won't care about how Isak’s feeling.

Even wets his lips as he takes a deep breath, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through slightly parted lips. They look so puffy and wet and tempting. Isak wants them against his so badly.

And again, as if Even read his mind, he leans forward and kisses Isak. It's not an urgent kiss and it isn't dirty. It's reassuring, like Even knows exactly what Isak is going through. And he probably does. Even seems experienced and he has probably been in this exact position, waiting to be filled up.

Isak gives out a moan at the thought.

He imagines Even’s skin all flushed and pretty, his legs spread, hard dick lying against his stomach. It's honestly such a mouth watering sight and Isak definitely wants to see it first hand.

Even leans back again and opens the bottle of lube, pouring a generous amount onto his fingers. Isak swallows thickly as Even starts rubbing his fingers together, warming the lube up a bit. It feels like it takes forever, making him slightly more nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe he isn't up for a gay experience. _Too late for that_.

But as he meets Even’s eyes again, his pulse slows down and his muscles relaxes. Even has this smile. This soft smile that just makes it impossible for Isak to not return it. It’s just the smallest of smiles, but it’s there and it makes all the difference.

Isak sucks in a deep breath as Even places his hand on his thigh, pushing it up to his chest. He panics for a second, feeling entirely too exposed, but Even seems to notice him freezing under him and moves his hand to the bed as he leans forward, keeping Isak’s leg pushed up with his arm instead.

Even is so close to him like this, close enough that they’re breathing in each other’s air and it’s enough to make Isak forget everything surrounding them. Everything is just Even. Even’s ragged breaths, Even’s eyes, Even’s lips. And then they’re kissing.

Isak’s mind goes blank.

And suddenly, Even’s finger is back on his rim again. Isak gives out a surprised sound, something between a moan and a gasp, and shudders. Just like before, Even uses circular motions, as if to get Isak to relax, to get him used to the feeling. Isak’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it, but it’s definitely starting to feel good again. Even seems to catch on as he adds a little pressure, breaking the kiss.

“Ready?” he asks and he sounds so breathless, so lost in this, that Isak has to take a deep breath himself. There are words waiting to come out, but they seem to die on his tongue as soon as he opens his mouth. He closes it again and swallows. _I’m ready. Please, just do it_.

Isak nods eagerly, opening his mouth once more to let out a whispered _yes_.

Even’s eyes shift between Isak’s, as if he’s looking for signs of insincerity. He’s been nothing but patient and considerate all night and it’s just hitting Isak now that he hasn’t told Even about his inexperience.

“I-” He interrupts himself, turning his head to the side, cheeks heating up a bit. “I haven’t… been with a guy before.” As the words are out in the open, he realizes how ridiculous he sounds. It’s probably quite obvious, but somehow, it just feels like it’s very important to tell the truth.

“Okay,” Even answers simply, and there’s nothing mocking or amused in his voice. Isak meets his eyes again and while Even looks anything but surprised, he doesn’t say anything more. He’d expected a laugh or _Yeah, no shit_ , but there’s only understanding and it just makes him so fucking grateful.

“Yeah, so I don’t- I don’t know… anything.” Isak feels his cheek heat up even more. He hates feeling so out of control, so out of his element. Not knowing what he’s supposed to do makes him really insecure and it’s annoying. He isn’t usually like this. Usually, he’s confident, some would probably even call him cocky, always getting the girls he sets his eyes on.

Now, he’s just lying on his back with no idea what to do.

“It’s okay,” Even says and Isak has a feeling that he would stroke his cheek or something if his hands weren’t otherwise occupied. “I'll show you.”

As if on instinct, Isak grabs Even’s neck (and honestly, what have his hands been doing until now?) and pulls him down into a searing kiss. Apparently, he has a thing for considerate people.

Even opens his mouth right away, tongue meeting Isak’s and Isak moans into the kiss. One of his hands is placed on Even’s arm and he can feel the muscles move under the skin as Even starts rubbing his rim again.

And then one of the fingers sinks into him. It’s easier this time and Isak is surprised over the lack of resistance. He hadn’t expected the finger to just… slide in. It’s still not a very comfortable feeling, but at least it doesn’t hurt. And Even is being so gentle. The thrusts are slow and meticulous, as if there’s a whole science to fingering someone’s ass. And maybe there is. All Isak knows is that once the initial discomfort subsides, it’s really not that bad at all.

What makes it even better is the way Even’s breathing is getting labored as well, like he’s really into just pleasuring Isak, like he’s getting off on getting Isak off.

And Isak is. He is getting off. It's starting to feel really good.

Even is wiggling his finger a bit, making more room inside Isak, and it doesn't necessarily feel like much, but it's building the anticipation, making Isak even more aware that another finger will be added. He shivers at the thought, giving out this kind of whine which in turn makes Even moan. And that’s just… wow. It’s doing things to him, hearing Even moan, and he suddenly wants to make him moan for real. He wonders what Even sounds like when he’s getting fingered, when he’s getting blown, when he’s getting _fucked_.

It’s suddenly very hard for Isak to stay still. He kind of wants to flip them around and just fuck Even into the mattress, but he also really wants Even to keep going. And it’s like he’s drunk or high or something because his body can’t seem to decide on anything. He just keeps moving, keeps making these half assed attempts at flipping them over. But it doesn’t seem like Even knows what’s going on. To him, Isak must just seem impatient because instead of pulling back to check if everything’s alright, he adds another finger, slowly.

His grip on Even’s arm gets a bit tighter and he tries to breathe through the discomfort. But it’s really not just discomfort this time around. It’s actual pain. Isak doesn't know if the pain should be described as burning or stinging, but either way, it fucking hurts. Not overwhelmingly so, but enough to make him clench his eyes further and stop responding to the kiss.

Even starts kissing his neck instead, presses his lips against a spot just behind Isak’s ear that makes him gasp and turn his head a bit to give more access.

“Just relax,” Even whispers, voice low and raspy, and it makes Isak moan. It’s easier said than done, though. Being stretched like this is such a foreign feeling and even if the pain is starting to subside, Isak’s muscles are trying to push Even’s fingers out. It doesn’t make Even pull out, though, so maybe it’s normal. Isak really doesn’t know.

The pace has quickened a bit, but it’s not enough to make Isak come. He isn’t sure if this is something he should come from or if he’s just abnormal for wanting… more? What more entails, he doesn’t know, but it just feels like there should be more to this. Even said that it would feel really good, and while it kind of does, it isn’t as good as he’d expected.

It’s enough to have him moaning, though.

And then Even does something and it makes Isak moan loudly, pleasure shooting through his body like lightning, firing up his nerves in a way he’s never felt before. Isak tries to speak, tries to ask what just happened, but Even is still doing that thing, is still _rubbing_ with his fingers and it’s… It’s so fucking good. He can’t keep the sounds back, can’t help but shake as Even’s relentless fingers just keep going, keep pressing and rubbing.

Isak’s muscles are so taut, every single one of them, like he’s a stretched rubber band waiting to snap. Only, the snap in this case is him coming. This is definitely a build up. His balls are pulling up and he’s just so _close_. But there’s something keeping him safely on the ledge. It feels so good, but he can’t come.

Isak can’t focus on anything but the overwhelming pleasure and he’s surely making all kinds of sounds, all of them lost to himself.

But there’s one thing he manages to catch. Even is speaking, telling him something. He tries to zero in on what he’s saying, tries to get his ears to work properly.

“C’mon, Isak. Touch yourself.” Even almost sounds like he’s in pain, like he’s just as strained as Isak, and it’s not that surprising. His muscles have been working for a while now.

Isak obliges right away.

He lets go of Even’s neck, hand finding his own dick in record time. And it’s like the touch is Godsent, like the heavens above have opened up for him and blessed him with sweet, sweet pressure. He could almost cry from it. And maybe he is. He doesn’t know. What he does know is that it won’t take long for him to come.

Especially when Even keeps kissing his neck, keeps whispering encouraging words.

Isak’s so close he can taste it, can feel his body shaking with it. And he’s slick with sweat, would probably feel self conscious about it if it wasn’t for the fact that his mind is elsewhere. It’s focused on the way Even is touching him, is breathing hard against his throat, on the way he’s smelling. He’s overcome by _EvenEvenEven_ and it’s almost too much. It’s just this entirely new experience, these entirely new feelings. It just feels _right_. This whole thing feels right.

And then Even’s lips are on his and everything goes quiet.

It’s a white hot pleasure, something he’s never felt before. It surges through his veins like a wildfire, reaching out to his fingertips and to his toes, makes him throw his head back into the pillow. His mouth is open, jaw locked in a way that should be uncomfortable, but he doesn’t even take notice. The only thing he notices is the ropes of cum shooting from his dick. It’s an incredible feeling, coming while being fingered, and Isak moans loudly. He doesn’t hear it, but he feels the vibrations in his throat, knows that his voice will be rough afterwards from the exertion. And he’s painting his stomach and chest as well as Even’s.

It’s all just so fucking good. Better than he’s ever experienced.

Isak pumps his dick until the very last drop lands on his stomach, gives another pump for good measure before he collapses against the bed completely, limbs losing all strength.

Even leans back and carefully pulls his fingers out, making Isak wince a bit. He lets go of Isak’s leg as well, gently placing it on the bed.

After a few seconds of just breathing, Isak opens his eyes. Even is sitting beside him, just watching him with his bottom lip between his teeth and _fuck_ he would rather it be between his. But he’s too tired to move still, too tired to do anything other than just lie there.

Isak can’t help the smile that spreads on his lips and he’s even more helpless against it widening when Even returns it and lays down next to him. Despite feeling like he’s ten times heavier than usual, he turns to Even who’s facing him as well. He wants to say something, express what he’s feeling right now, but what is he feeling? What does he want to say? _Thank you_?

Instead of speaking, Isak moves even closer, ignoring his body’s weak protests. His smile fades when Even lets his lip slip from his teeth, when he lets his tongue out, lets it move over the pink flesh. Without thinking, he surges forward and kisses Even, hears Even moan into it as soon they open their mouths to each other. Their tongues dance together and it’s sloppy and desperate, maybe a bit frantic, and it isn’t until now that Isak realizes that Even hasn’t come.

Isak pulls back again, making Even whine and chase his lips, but Isak just puts his hand up, places it on Even’s cheek to get him to open his eyes again. And he does.

“You, uh… I don’t…” Isak purses his lips and furrows his eyebrows, not really finding the right words. Even furrows his eyebrows as well, clearly not getting what Isak means. Understandably so.

They really should be beyond awkwardness, seeing as Even literally had his fingers inside his ass just moments ago, but pointing out that Even is still hard is apparently where Isak draws the line, that’s what makes his cheeks heat up.

He clears his throat, sound too loud when they’re lying so close to each other, and looks down between them, seeing that Even is indeed hard and _good god_ it makes Isak’s cheeks heat up even more. When he looks up again, Even’s lips are parted and they’re spit slick and Isak just wants to… _devour him_.

“I’ve never…” he whispers, not finishing the sentence, but swallowing thickly instead.

“Do you want to?” Even asks, sounding a bit hopeful. Isak wants to say yes, wants make him happy, but the thought is a bit… It’s scary. Had he asked ten minutes ago, he would’ve agreed right away. But now that he’s no longer frantic for release, it’s just a bit too much to handle. He doesn’t even have time to answer before Even speaks again.

“It’s okay. I can do it myself,” he says and if he’s disappointed, he doesn’t let it show. “Do you want me to go to the bathr-”

“No,” Isak interrupts quickly. He wets his lips and takes a deep breath. Even nods slowly, eyes shifting between Isak’s as if to look for signs of discomfort. Isak isn’t uncomfortable. Nervous, a bit, yes, but not uneasy. He’s never been more sure of anything in his entire life.

Even if Isak didn’t see his arm moving, didn’t see his eyes flutter shut, he would have known the exact second Even grips his own dick from the sound escaping him. It’s a breathy kind of gasp and the sound makes Isak’s dick twitch in interest. He’s way too spent to do anything about it, though.

Isak notices right away that Even’s hand is moving quickly, efficiently, from the way his arm is moving. The sound is also very telling. And while he wants to watch Even’s face, because he looks fucking gorgeous like this, panting with a slack mouth and a little crease between his eyebrows, his curiosity takes over. He wanted to see Even’s dick when Even was blowing him and he wasn’t able to. Now he can, though, and he’s not about to be robbed from that sight again.

He moves back just a bit to be able to get a better look, to angle his head better. And Even’s dick is _so wet_ , both from lube and precum. Isak sucks in a breath, eyes fluttering a bit, as if they’re about to close. But he refuses to shut his eyes. Watching Even work his dick like this is mesmerizing. There’s no real technique to it, just frantic movements, and that’s evidence enough that Even is close. Isak wants him to slow down a bit, wants him to hold out a bit longer, but he also knows the state Even is in. He doesn’t want to deny him his release when it’s within reach.

“God, Even,” he whispers in awe, the word _beautiful_ just on the tip of his tongue. Even moans in response, precum leaking from the tip. Isak wants to reach out and touch for himself, wants to know if Even’s dick fits in his hand as well as his own dick does.

“Feel good?” he asks despite knowing the answer. He just wants to hear Even say it, wants to hear how wrecked he’ll sound. Even moans and Isak wants to see his face, but gets distracted when more precum leaks out.

“Yeah,” Even groans, voice so rough that Isak shivers from it. He wants to make Even sound like that. He wants Even to sound like that from Isak touching him, from Isak blowing him, from Isak _fucking him_. He just keeps coming back to that thought and it feels almost inevitable.

Just as he’s about to reach out, Even’s body stiffens and a rope of cum shoots from his dick, catching Isak completely off guard. It lands on Isak’s chin and the next one on Even’s stomach. Isak just stares as Even empties himself onto both of them, hears his whines and moans and it’s all just… perfect.

And there’s so much cum. So much of it.

Even pumps his dick a few more times, as if to make sure that there’s nothing left in him.

Isak looks up at Even, waits until he opens his eyes to flash him a smile. It’s not a conscious choice, it’s more like the muscles in his face act on their own accord. Even smiles back, a soft and lazy smile, eyes crinkling up beautifully. Isak raises his head a bit, silently asking for a kiss, but the response he gets is not one he expects.

Even snorts, raises his eyebrows a bit and nods once, eyes focused on Isak’s… chin? And oh! _Oh_.

Isak wipes at his chin with his fingers and looks at them. _It looks the same_ , he thinks stupidly, rubbing the cum between his fingers. _It feels the same_.

He doesn’t even think about it, doesn’t consider how it must look when he closes his mouth around his index finger. He just lets his curiosity take over. And it’s really not the greatest taste. It’s salty and kind of bitter, and yet, he doesn’t hate it.

It isn’t until Even lets out this sound that Isak looks back at him, meeting his eyes. They’re completely focused on Isak’s mouth, looking dazed, and it makes him feel kind of powerful. It’s just the smallest gesture, but Even has his lips slightly parted and he looks so damn affected.

Isak makes a show out of pulling the finger out. He does it slowly, hollowing his cheeks while looking Even right in the eyes. The way Even almost squirms under his gaze is addictive.

He suddenly realizes that he really wants to do this again. It had been a fleeting thought earlier, like a spur of the moment kind of thing, but now that he’s lying beside Even, it’s very obvious to him that there’s no point in denying anything anymore. Deep down, he knew before he even got to Even’s apartment, before he made out with him in the first place.

With a tired chuckle, he puts his hands over his face and rolls over onto his back.

“What?” Even laughs, but he sounds confused, like he doesn’t understand what’s funny. And nothing’s funny, really.

“I’m so fucking gay,” Isak says, words slightly muffled his palms. He drags his hands over his face and stops underneath his nose, still covering his mouth with his fingers. His eyes are fixed on the ceiling, but his thoughts are all over the place.

He's obviously been gay the whole time. That time he watched gay porn wasn't as accidental as he's been adamantly telling himself. When Eva blew Jonas, Isak had gotten off to the memory of Jonas’ come face afterwards.

And Even… why had he made out with Even? He was clearly attractive, but how had he gotten Isak to go with him into a room and how had Isak not pushed him off? Isak had even denied his homosexuality this morning despite knowing full well what had happened yesterday, so how had drunk Isak been less closeted?

What he should take from this is that drunk Isak isn't to be trusted, but instead he feels kind of… relieved.

It doesn't mean that he'll be all out and gay. It just means that he doesn't have to deny his every action, that he doesn't have to make elaborate _no homo_ explanations to himself. There's really no point in lying to himself anymore and it just makes him feel lighter.

But it's also a part of him that he's hidden for so long, a part that he's denied for as long as he can remember. He knows that while he won't have to lie to himself anymore, this hookup won't make him less nervous about coming out to his friends.

What will Jonas think? Will he view him differently? Will he not want Isak in the same room as him anymore? It isn’t like Isak would start making passes at him if he were to come out. He would still be just Isak, not some kind of predator, but what if Jonas is disgusted by him. What if Magnus and Mahdi are disgusted.

And suddenly, there's a hand on his wrist.

“Hey,” Even says gently, dragging the vowel out a bit. Isak lets him pull his hand from his face, lets  the other hand fall down to his chest.

“I can see you overthinking. You okay?” The concern in Even’s voice is so clear and it makes Isak turn his head to face him. He's still holding Isak’s wrist and his fingers feel like fire on his skin. It feels intimate in some twisted kind of way and Isak doesn't want Even to ever let go.

“I'm…” Isak begins, but isn't really sure what he's supposed to answer. Even doesn't need to hear about his inner turmoil, doesn't need to know how easy it is for Isak to slip into negative thoughts.

“Yeah,” he decides is the best thing to say. Even raises his eyebrows, like he doesn't believe him, but he doesn't push. There's a moment of silence where they're just looking at each other, like it's impossible not to. Then Even lets go of his wrist, places his hand on Isak’s cheek instead and leans forward. He doesn't kiss him, though. But he could.

Instead, he's leaning his forehead against Isak’s, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Isak can feel his face heat up from it. If Even’s hand around his wrist felt intimate, this feels like a declaration of love.

The thought makes his skin even hotter and it probably resembles the poisoned apple in Snow White in color, but it doesn't deter Even.

Even gives him this small smile instead before he leans in and _finally_ kisses Isak, tastes his lips and his tongue.

And this kiss isn't like the previous ones. It's entirely different, much softer and much more tender, and it makes Isak shuffle a bit so that he's lying on his side again, his whole body facing Even.

He's never been kissed like this, like he means something, like he isn't just someone to get off with. And it's kind of a ridiculous thought as that's exactly what just happened. He doesn't know Even and Even doesn't know him. It's just not possible that the kiss _means_ something.

But it feels like it does.

Isak places his hand on Even’s hip and it's a tentative touch, like he isn't sure if he's allowed to put his hand there. Even, in response, hums appreciatively and moves a bit closer. And it's such a revelation to finally be able to touch a guy like this, to have a guy touch him back.

His fingers are drawing patterns on Even’s hip, on his ribs, on his back, tracing the skin - trying to memorize how it feels under his fingertips.

Isak pulls back a bit, fingers still moving lazily. He watches as Even opens his eyes slowly, reluctantly, like he just wants to keep them closed. _Like he wants to keep kissing_.

“I should probably head home,” Isak whispers, voice a bit rough. Even’s eyes lose some of their warmth and he looks so _disappointed_ , like Isak just told him that he failed an important exam, and it makes Isak’s stomach flutter. The thought of Isak leaving makes Even _disappointed_ and that's just… it's a lot.

Despite Even’s obvious disapproval, Isak sits up and looks around for his discarded clothes. It hits him suddenly how exposed he is. He’s completely naked and covered in cum, the lube between his ass cheeks feeling sticky and gross. He really needs a shower.

He’s just about to get out of bed when Even lets out this kind of strangled sound, like he’s choking on his own tongue or something. Isak turns to him, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Or you can just… stay?” Even says, or _asks_ , tentatively.

It would be so easy to just say yes, but what would that mean? Is there something implied in the question, something that Isak isn’t picking up on? If he stays, is he supposed to do something… sexual? He isn’t an insecure person, but he’s never stayed after sex. And now that the option is presented to him, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to act.

He stays quiet for way too long, just looking at Even who’s waiting for his answer. He looks as unsure as Isak feels.

The seconds are growing longer and Isak knows what he _wants_ to answer, has the word on the tip of his tongue, can taste the sweetness of it, but his mouth is still closed, teeth clenched. His heart is racing in his chest, the rapid thumping stressing him, as if it’s a clock that’s ticking faster the longer he remains silent.

He doesn’t want to disappoint Even, but he doesn’t want to give him false hope either. And he feels like that’s what he’ll do if he stays. He just isn’t ready to go further. Not tonight. This whole thing has been challenging enough for him and he’s pretty sure that neither his mind nor his poor heart can take more exploring.

But the way Even’s eyes gradually lose hope makes Isak’s throat tighten, makes his lungs cease to work. Not only is it awful to see Even slowly deflate, it also feels wrong in every fibre of his body to leave.

“Okay,” Isak finally answers, voice barely audible. The change in Even’s face is immediate, eyes crinkling and the corners of his mouth turning upwards a bit.

“That's chill?” Even asks, sounding hopeful, and Isak can't help but give a small smile in return while he nods.

“That's chill.” Even’s whole face lights up at that, like he's been waiting the entire evening for those words.

And maybe he has.

But Isak doesn't want to be too hopeful, doesn't want to assume that Even had even planned that far ahead. It might as well be a spur of the moment kind of thought, like he just figured that it would be nice with some company. And who is Isak to deny him that?

As long as Even is smiling, Isak is pretty sure that he’ll do whatever he asks. If that means staying the night, so be it. Isak can’t imagine it being even remotely unpleasant. And if the thought of falling asleep with Even’s arms wrapped around him makes his heart skip a beat, no one has to know.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you want to shout at me or something, you can leave a comment or click [here](https://maugurt.tumblr.com/) to come to my tumblr page!


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